You're young forever when you write. Alfred Hitchcock directed until the day he died. As long as you Show more
You're young forever when you write. Alfred Hitchcock directed until the day he died. As long as you don't have any dementia or Alzheimer's, if you have your All-Bran every day and clear yourself out, I think your brains are gonna be all right. Hide
[on the CIA] They don't know right from wrong. That's what makes a satire of these government bureau Show more
[on the CIA] They don't know right from wrong. That's what makes a satire of these government bureaus [Get Smart (2008)] really funny. Hide
I'm the only Jew who ever made a buck offa 'Hitler'!
I'm the only Jew who ever made a buck offa 'Hitler'!
Critics can't even make music by rubbing their back legs together.
Critics can't even make music by rubbing their back legs together.
I love spaghetti and sex, sometimes together. My dream of heaven is walking naked through fields of Show more
I love spaghetti and sex, sometimes together. My dream of heaven is walking naked through fields of pasta fazool. Hide
[on Buster Keaton] I don't think he was a genius. Einstein was a genius; Buster Keaton was astonishi Show more
[on Buster Keaton] I don't think he was a genius. Einstein was a genius; Buster Keaton was astonishing. I've never seen any human being able to perform as brilliantly and gracefully with such unusually gifted timing. There was only one Keaton. His eyes shone with a certain intensity, fire and love. His face had little expression, but his eyes were always dynamically alive. His eyes spoke more than any script could speak. Hide
[on the famous campfire scene in Blazing Saddles (1974)] I only break wind on the prairie.
[on the famous campfire scene in Blazing Saddles (1974)] I only break wind on the prairie.
As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes.
As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes.
[on Woody Allen] Woody Allen is a genius. His films are wonderful.
[on Woody Allen] Woody Allen is a genius. His films are wonderful.
The musical blows the dust off your soul.
The musical blows the dust off your soul.
I'm grateful to the army. Grateful to Hitler too. The Producers made me the first Jew in history to Show more
I'm grateful to the army. Grateful to Hitler too. The Producers made me the first Jew in history to make a buck out of Hitler. Hide
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
[on Anne Bancroft] I'm married to a beautiful and talented woman who can lift your spirits just by l Show more
[on Anne Bancroft] I'm married to a beautiful and talented woman who can lift your spirits just by looking at you. Hide
I thank my lucky stars that I was born and that my brother Irving was so kind and good to me. He gav Show more
I thank my lucky stars that I was born and that my brother Irving was so kind and good to me. He gave me... a tricycle, trying to make up for the loss of - I didn't realize it, but trying to make up for the loss of our father. Hide
I've always been a huge admirer of my own work. I'm one of the funniest and most entertaining writer Show more
I've always been a huge admirer of my own work. I'm one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know. Hide
Look at Jewish history. Unrelieved lamenting would be intolerable. So for every ten Jews beating the Show more
Look at Jewish history. Unrelieved lamenting would be intolerable. So for every ten Jews beating their breasts, God designated one to be crazy and amuse the breast-beaters. By the time I was five, I knew I was that one. Hide
I cut my finger. That's tragedy. A man walks into an open sewer and dies. That's comedy.
I cut my finger. That's tragedy. A man walks into an open sewer and dies. That's comedy.
[on the late Cleavon Little] My rule was not to eat with actors, but I enjoyed him so much that I be Show more
[on the late Cleavon Little] My rule was not to eat with actors, but I enjoyed him so much that I begged him to eat with me. Hide
My movies rise below vulgarity.
My movies rise below vulgarity.
Oh, I'm not a true genius. I'm a near genius. I would say I'm a short genius. I'd rather be tall and Show more
Oh, I'm not a true genius. I'm a near genius. I would say I'm a short genius. I'd rather be tall and normal than a short genius. Hide
I had the best childhood. I loved life. I thought life was the most wonderful thing ever created.
I had the best childhood. I loved life. I thought life was the most wonderful thing ever created.
I'm not such a comedy giant. I'm five-six. There are guys not as funny, but they're bigger. And I th Show more
I'm not such a comedy giant. I'm five-six. There are guys not as funny, but they're bigger. And I think that counts. Hide
Immortality is a by-product of good work. Masterpieces are not for artists, they're for critics. Cri Show more
Immortality is a by-product of good work. Masterpieces are not for artists, they're for critics. Critics can't even make music by rubbing their back legs together. My message to the world is "Let's swing, sing, shout, make noise! Let's not mimic death before our time comes! Let's be wet and noisy!". Hide
I said to Slim Pickens you've made a hundred movies. Do you have any advice? He said, "Mel, whenever Show more
I said to Slim Pickens you've made a hundred movies. Do you have any advice? He said, "Mel, whenever you get the chance. Sit down." Sit down? I felt like I was asking Orson Welles how you make Citizen Kane (1941) he says sit down? But Slim was right because it can get very tiring. Hide
[on Richard Pryor in Blazing Saddles (1974)] I knew how bright he was. I hired him because I was goi Show more
[on Richard Pryor in Blazing Saddles (1974)] I knew how bright he was. I hired him because I was going to do a lot of black jokes. I said, "I'm not going to take the heat for these. I want somebody there to give me the okay, see if I cross the line, what's in good taste, what's in bad taste." Strangely enough, Pryor wrote very little of the black stuff. I wound up doing that. Hide
[on David Lynch] He's like James Stewart from hell.
[on David Lynch] He's like James Stewart from hell.
Dom DeLuise was a big man in every way. He was big in size and created big laughter and joy. He will Show more
Dom DeLuise was a big man in every way. He was big in size and created big laughter and joy. He will be missed in a very big way. Hide
Why should I indulge myself and do a David Lean-ish kind of film? I could do my little Jewish Brief Show more
Why should I indulge myself and do a David Lean-ish kind of film? I could do my little Jewish Brief Encounter (1945) and disguise it - shorten the noses. But it wouldn't be as much fun as delivering my dish of insanity. Hide
[on the late Zero Mostel] He could be wicked and cruel, and he could be almost sweet, loving, kind, Show more
[on the late Zero Mostel] He could be wicked and cruel, and he could be almost sweet, loving, kind, generous. The great thing about Zero was that he was uniquely gifted. He was really, truly talented, more talented than any actor except for Sid Caesar that I have ever worked with. Hide